Five ways to cry and not be noticed: in the shower, staring at the sun, watching ‘Braveheart’, in a five mile tailback on the M25, in all sorts of rain.
This morning, I cried in the shower. If they noticed, my roommates probably just thought I was touching myself, all the gasping I was doing. I was not. At breakfast, no one asked about it even though my face was still slightly flushed. We don’t talk about sadness or orgasms here though.
This afternoon I thought: if only the sun were out maybe I could have a cry again. No one would notice--many people tear up if they stare at the sun. When people do notice though, it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe that's why they tell you not to stare into the sun. It's an unspoken reason that it’s really for the benefit of others.
A long time ago a girl I was dating cried while we were watching Braveheart. I wasn't sure if it was something on her insides or the movie that caused it. Maybe someone else would have pulled her close and asked what was wrong. “Is everything alright? Do you want to talk about it, babe?” A good girlfriend would have even kissed her—somewhere cute like on the forehead too. But me, I just got a little uncomfortable and stayed quiet and wondered if she felt me inch away.
When this girl and I broke up three months later, I only cried after I hit 80 miles an hour on the old freeway back from her house into the city. The music was so loud that sometimes I didn't even notice my own sobbing. But when I finally parked and looked down, there was a large puddle in my lap.
Yesterday I decided: Seattle is a good place to cry. One can get away with crying in all sorts of rain, and there are several types here.
But usually, when it rains it pours.